Hot as balls.

I love that phrase. I don't even have balls, but I can certainly imagine the suffering of men who get those things stuck to their thighs in the hot, hot heat. It's not a nice thing to think about. And let me tell you this: It's hot as balls in Vernazza today, and everyone's junk is in a pinch. There's no avoiding it.

Despite some of you telling me that my luggage situation wouldn't work, I am delighted to report that this ain't my first time at the rodeo. It was a breeze and I made it through without checking bags.

Milan is a dump. I spent one night there and felt like clawing my way out. Get me ON THE TRAIN. A train to anywhere but here. You know that big famous duomo in Milan? It's gorgeous, but guess what everyone is cropping out of the pictures? A gigantic Times-Square-like LCD screen with ads running on it. Italy, I thought we talked about this... you're not supposed to modernize in garish ways... that's what Americans are supposed to do. You're supposed to stay the same and never change. Keep it classy, Italy.

Other questions I just saw require follow up. I have angry Germans staring at me while I type this at the internet cafe (to their credit they are in a LINE glaring at me, so that's one redeeming thing. Germans and Americans are the only ones who know how to get in a line. I am talking to YOU Italians and French at the Manarola boat today....)

Make up: Great Lash (of course), Nars lip gloss in... I dunno, actually, but it's the best. I will get the name later if you care. Small powder compact, blush, liquid eyeliner, Stila lipstick, MAC concealer. That's about it, but that's all I ever really wear.

The dresses. Yes, I know I brought 4 and they are all black. As I mentioned, it's hot as balls here and the dresses are perfect because they are both breezy, and they don't show stains, so I can sit on a dirty bench or dusty rocks while I wait for the boat, and it's no big deal. Today I am wearing cuffed up jeans and a white tunic with jingly-jangling gold bracelets and gold hoops. And I did the walk from Riomaggiore to Manarola in this get-up because, well, it's hot as balls and I am going to sweat in anything I could possibly wear, so why not. Once on the boat, it was so windy it was good to be wearing jeans, actually.

The BEST thing I packed so far, however, was this wispy-thin swim cover-up from anthropology. Good over a suit, and good over a tank. Just plain good. And it's not black. So, you know, bonus points for breaking the mold with that one.

Alright. The Germans are about to declare war on me, and you know how THAT goes.

More later.